Give What You Need, Give What You Want

“Giving starts the receiving process.” —Jim Rohn

Have you ever noticed how some people give you a gift, perhaps for your birthday, and it is not something you want? It may not be your taste in music, or a color that you like, or a style that you are interested in wearing.   Yet, it is something that suits their taste and their style. Why would someone give you a gift that does not suit you at all? Is it because they really do not  care about you and just want to give you a gift out of obligation? Or, is there something else going on? 

There is a philosophy that says: If you desire something, be that something in your own life.  For example, if you want to feel important or be acknowledged, then make others feel important and  acknowledge them. More often than not, we want or need something; however, we do not take full responsibility for that fact. What we do instead is give it to someone else, hoping that we will get it in return. 

At times, you may think “I wish that people around me would be more attentive or pay closer attention to what I say.” Sometimes, you may not even be aware of this on a conscious level. We have all heard that “wishing and hoping will not get you what you want”; however, there is a way that by acknowledging what you do need, you could get what you wish and hope for.  How does that work? You would have to make a conscious decision to GIVE that which you want but NOT with the intention of receiving it back. 

The more you can attend to people, the more you give attention to other people, you might actually get attention and/or the more you may feel the need for attention satisfied just because you are giving so much of it. 

Sometimes I feel that I do not have enough people caring about me. When that feeling strikes, I actually take the time to make lots of phone calls and send lots of e-mails. What am I doing and why? I am reaching out and asking people how are things going in their life, what they up to these days, how their family is, etc.  This takes my focus off of me and, most importantly, my caring about them nurtures me in the process. 

Have you ever gone to the supermarket and the check-out person is particularly unfriendly? It bothers me because I finally pick a line, cannot wait to get out, and I am faced with a person who acts as though he/she is doing me a favor! What would I rather encounter? A friendly, smiling person. Can I change this person? No. HOWEVER, I do say something like, “Seems as though you are having a rough day.” What happens? I get a response,  sometimes an explanation, sometimes a thank you for noticing, sometimes a simple acknowledgment. No matter what, someone just felt cared about in some way. I have even noticed that the next time I get on that line, the cashier makes some (even if it is minimal) effort to be friendly. 

 What do you feel is missing in your life? 

Think about something that you would like to have in your life…that you feel you do not  get often enough.   Then think of ways that you can give that to other people.  It may be confidence, love, strength, support, respect, etc. Find ways that you can give it often and then note after a period of time if you notice anything different about your need for that which you have been giving. Hopefully, the desire will be greatly diminished or gone.