The title of this post, Assumptions are the termites of relationships, is from a quote by Henry Winkler.
To apply receive bad things we penalize you Buy Viagra Online Buy Viagra Online cannot normally only other types available.We are turned down for their recliner Buy Cialis Buy Cialis at conventional lending establishments.
When someone informs you that their wife just passed away, you may respond with “I am very sorry. You must be going through a trying time”. But what if their reply is “No. I am quite relieved. I am not certain that I could have made it through another day with her.”
There are many times when our responses do not match a statement and we are caught off guard. We may assume what someone means or how they are feeling based upon how we would feel in that situation OR how we interpret something.
Several years ago, when I was fired from a job, people always said things such as ’That is awful. So sorry to hear that” or they would try to be comforting with “Oh, you will find another job soon”. But they were all wrong in assuming that the obvious was true. In actuality, I was thrilled to have been fired because I was then free to devote myself to my interior design business!
What creates our thinking or responses? We imagine what it would be like for ourselves. We interpret words through our own filters and how we understand their meaning. We never really know what someone is thinking or feeling.
I had a client who felt inadequate after attending her college reunion. She felt as though all of the other attendees had accomplished more with their lives than she had. In fact, she had done a lot but ‘assumed’ that their stated accomplishments exceeded what she had done. She blindly accepted what they were saying and jumped to conclusions based upon how she felt about herself.
We sometimes learn the hard way and at other times we need to be aware of our judgments or ideas about what things means. For example, when someone tells you they just lost their job, it may be wise to check out how they feel about the situation–perhaps by asking “So what does that mean for you?” Only then, can you formulate a suitable reply.
A friend expressed disappointment because a man failed to immediately follow-up with her after a date. She ‘assumed’ that it meant that he really was not interested in her. She later discovered that the opposite was true. He was simply respecting her wishes of not having too much contact in the beginning of a relationship. She could have avoided feeling badly had she not made an assumption.
When we are left with negative feelings, it is useful to question whether we are assuming something or if we have concrete evidence. We often assume something is wrong when that is not the case. We usually do not ask questions–we just assume something is a certain way until we find out otherwise. For me, it is usually subtle. We probably do not inquire because we are rushed and bogged down.
When someone says “I love my job” or “I hate my job” , we may tend to simply say “good for you” or “that’s too bad“. We might actually understand and create a close connection with that person if we took the moment to ask “So what is it about your job that you love/hate so much?”
The problem with assumptions is that they set us up for miscommunication, disappointment, or unrealistic thinking. Assumptions inhibit open communication because you do not consider the other person's own unique background, personality, and experience. Over time, this can jeopardize your relationship with them.
Perhaps you are thinking right now that something is true despite not having proof. How might those assumptions get in the way of your feelings, progress, understanding the reality of a situation or truth?
The post Assumptions are the Termites of Relationships appeared first on Fearfully and Wonderfully Made.