Trigger Points

I just recently noticed how the music playing in a store affects my making a purchase as well as how long I remain in the store.  Elevator music in the elevator could affect our mood as we enter our business meeting. These are simplistic but obvious ways that we are subtly influenced.

We often hear or read things that send our minds off on a tangent. That is, we are reminded about something completely different than what is at hand. Many times we are not aware of how this happens and cannot imagine why we feel upset or disturbed by something that seems so innocent.

We can be triggered by a smell, touch, taste, seeing, or hearing something without even realizing it. It may not be clear in the moment why we would think positively or negatively about the event since it is actually neutral.

Imagine walking into a friend's house and smelling a fresh baked chocolate cake. Suddenly you feel sad and melancholy. Because it does not make sense, your tendency is probably to dismiss it. However, if you take a moment, you realize the smell triggers memories of your deceased grandmother who you baked cakes with as a child.

A client was sharing a story about an email that disturbed her. She felt a twinge of grief; however, she did not really acknowledge or recognize it. Subconsciously, she replied as though she was hurt and her reply did not make sense to the other person. When we gave it careful thought, she realized that it reminded her of a past relationship where the person said similar things. In this case, it was perfectly innocuous and had no other connotation; however, her mind did not stop to think that way. Instead, she was triggered and had a reaction.

It is useful to distinguish a reaction from a response. When we REACT, we are triggered and our behavior is based on our thoughts and feelings about what we think is happening. When we RESPOND, we are in the present in the moment and address what is actually in front of us.

Triggers are often subtle and can catch us off guard. The key is that something does not seem to add up, does not make sense, does not feel right.

Some people have a habit of interrupting when someone else is speaking. Some of us find it annoying and we simply say, “May I please finish”. Others go crazy and it can go as deep as them feeling that they do not have value, that they are not important and they actually feel offended.

What makes the difference?

In the more extreme case, the person's parents never let him finish his story as a child and did not pay much attention to what he said because they were often preoccupied. In adulthood, this person is triggered by his childhood memory and feels as though he has no value whenever he is interrupted.

Triggers are starting points that ‘set off’ messages or generate thoughts that may or may not be relevant to the current situation.

Time and again friends relate a story to us about another person. When we think we know how the story will end, we barely listen. Instead of staying focused on our friend and the person in the story, our minds may stray into the ending that we anticipate. When the other person says “and this time, it was different,” we can barely hear that because our minds went straight to ‘same old’ story. Other times, we might think about how the story relates to our lives. A story can trigger something in us that has no relevance to what is occurring in the moment.

Think of a time when you felt an illogical reaction to a comment, a message, a person–especially anger or outrage. Instead of waiting, you immediately spoke or wrote out of that emotional place. Typically, that later produces regrets.

Perhaps you can think of a time when you were triggered and wanted to quickly reply; however our decided to take time to cool down or to reflect and by the time you responded, it was from a more neutral place and had a positive outcome.

Considering this awareness, what will you do the next time negative or inconsistent emotion or feelings arise in a situation?